Become More Resilient by Learning How to Handle Life's Demands

No one is immune to adversity. We've all been through it. And, while it's not fun, stressful situations can be manageable. In fact, you can even thrive on them.

This is called RESILIENCY -  the ability to adapt well in the face of trauma or stress and - bounce back!

Research shows that resilient people are more positive, healthier, and they tend to do the following:

• Take a break when stress sets in.
• Accept others and themselves - flaws and all.
• Avoid reacting to situations impulsively or with anger.
• Set personal goals and plan time and effort to achieve them.

Of course, knowing what resiliency means is one thing. Being a resilient person is a whole different ball game. Negative experiences and poor communication often cloud our judgement when it comes to coping with life's demands.

But there is good news!

Resiliency can be learned!

Here are some tips to help you ignite your inner-resiliency.

1. Maintain good relationships.

Your friends and family should serve as a foundation when life throws you a curve.

Seek out people who are supportive and respectful and take care to avoid those who are critical and controlling. Join a faith group for spiritual grounding and growth, or a self-help group for emotional support when times are tough.

2. See crises as solvable problems.

You cannot change that fact that negative events happen but you can change how you respond to them. Put structure and control into your life by having short-term and long-term goals. Those goals will help you learn how to deal with negative feelings and avoid lapses of judgement when the going gets tough.

3. Communicate!

Communicate effectively by understanding both verbal and non-verbal cues. Also, be an active listener by conveying that you understand and validate the other person - even if you don't necessarily agree with what he or she is saying.

Not being able to communicate with others leads to anger, conflict and increased stress.

4. Nurture a positive view of yourself.

Take care of yourself. Get plenty of sleep a night. Eat three meals a day. Exercise. Cut out smoking. Have a close friend to share your ideas, hopes and dreams with. Laugh a lot. Feed your soul with activities that make your spirits soar whether it be painting, theatre, golf or reading.

5. Learn from mistakes.

Mistakes are not failures!

Resilient people look at mistakes as experiences and opportunities for learning and growth. Even though they do not enjoy mistakes, they are not easily discouraged by them.

When things go wrong, don't fall to pieces. Learn how to roll with the punches by getting in touch with your inner-resiliency. All of us have it. Bring yours out and make it work for you!

Article adapted from Resilience by John Starzynski.

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Humility is Your Best Asset in Business

You are good at what you do. Your clients know it. Your colleagues know it. And, you know it.

Unfortunately, though, confidence can sometimes turn into arrogance.

"The difference between arrogance and confidence is self-awareness," says Jason Mendelson, founder and managing director of the Foundry Group. "The confident leader is self-aware of their client's needs, their firm's culture and the rapid changes that occur in their industry."

So, how do you stay humble while, at the same time, reaping the rewards of success?

Here are three tips to help you avoid self-sabotage.

1. Leave your swagger at home.

People want to communicate with people who are respectful and humble. Swagger is none of those things - and is a turn off for most.

2. Listen.

You may communicate openly and often, but are you really listening? The best leaders are the best listeners and know when to turn down the noise and make a move.

3. Expect the unexpected.

Arrogance and having a "king of the world" mentality will set you up for failure. Humility is knowing that you're going to get kicked when you least expect it. Humble people know that people will aim at them. In fact, they even welcome it.

Sure, it's okay to celebrate your success and bask in the limelight a bit. But, always mind the line between confidence and arrogance.

Adapted from article Humility: The Undervalued But Crucial Business Asset by Erica Napoletano at Entrepreneur.com.

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5 Ways to Keep Yours Listeners Engaged

Conversations - real, meaningful conversations - are perhaps the best ways to build valuable connections with people. Of course, holding a conversation with someone whom you've just met isn't always easy.

But, it can be.

Anyone can be a great conversationalist. Anyone!

The key is to keep the spotlight on the person you are speaking with - and off yourself. Simply listen to what the person has to say, ask him or her questions, and be interested in their responses.

Sounds easy enough, right?

Here are some more great tricks for becoming a brilliant conversationalist.

• Take a greater interest in what the person you are speaking to has to say than what you have to say. In other words, don't eagerly anticipate telling someone about your legal services. Instead, eagerly anticipate what he or she will tell you about their own services.
• Keep an open mind. Enter into a conversation knowing what you would like to say and learn, but do not have any preconceived ideas or judgments about the other person.
• Don't interrupt. Keep quiet when the other person is talking.
• Never argue. Even if you disagree with what someone is saying, keep your cool and diplomatically state your opinion. 
• Don't offer an opinion unless you are asked to do so. 

Finally, try to address the other person by their first name throughout the conversation. There's no sweeter sound to a person's ears than the sound of their own name being spoken.

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Women lawyers listen up!

Are you quick to fend off flattery no matter who it comes from?

You may be what experts call a "compliment-carper;" you simply can not accept kind words.

There are number of reasons why. According to body image expert Leslie Goldman, MPH, many women are taught that they should be modest and humble. They are worried that accepting praised could make them appear arrogant. "So, we downplay out strengths and accentuate our weaknesses," says Goldman.

Does this sound like something you do often?

You are definitely not alone. Many women simply believe kudos is undeserved.

But wait. Before you continue living this way, consider this.

Research shows that being able to recognize your positive qualities and ACCEPT compliments can boost self-esteem. That means you should simply say "thank you" the next time a colleague admires your work!

So, stop beating yourself up and shooting down compliments. Receiving and ACCEPTING praise will do you a world of good.

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Don't Let Email Responses Drain Your Time!

Want to know what one of the biggest time wasters is?

Email.

What was once accomplished in a simple quick meeting often takes days of email exchanges to resolve. I know a lawyer who once had a two-day email exchange about which Fridays the staff could take off in the summer. The time they spent haggling and emailing back and forth probably equaled to one of those days off!

Email is of course fine and effective on most occasions. However, it's not in your best interest to copy half the company contact list with your message. Send your email to only the people for whom it is intended.

Emily Post replies - "Thanks!" or "Good job!" or "Good idea!" -  should be kept to a minimum as well. Limit yourself to emails that move things forward.

Sourced from Bang! Getting Your Message Heard in a Noisy World by Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval.

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6 Ways to Get Rid of Signs of Nervousness

Picture it.

You have a big presentation in a few days. You feel prepared, yet a litte apprehensive about addressing a large group of people - including the Partners. You break out into a cold sweat just thinking about how you will handle your nervousness.

What should you do if things go awry?

How can you show the crowd that, despite your nerves, you are NOT a weak person?

Well, there are a couple things, actually. Here are a few of the most common signs of nervousness - and how to shake them.

1. Trembling hands.

Avoid the shakes by holding on to a prop like a clicker, pen, book, or a dry-erase marker. This will give your hands something to do. Do not put your hands in your pockets or grasp them in front of you as this will distract your audience. Also, do not walk on stage holding a coffee cup or bottle of water - it will make you look too casual.

2. Shaking legs.

The answer to this sign of nervousness is to wear loose-fitting pants. Really! Avoid wearing tight-fitting skirts or trousers that will accentuate the shaking. Be sure also to move around; get some circulation going to your legs.

3. Profuse sweating.

If you sweat excessively, keep your jacket on and make sure that you have a cotton handkerchief handy. Wipe your forehead discreetly - and often.

4. Dry mouth.

This is extremely common among public speakers. But, it's easy to fix - drink water. Don't feel self-conscious about pausing for a sip when needed.

5. Wavering voice.

If you voice is quivering, it's problem with your breath. It's natural to hold your breath or breathe shallowly as a response to fear. To counter this effect, take deep, full abdominal breaths. This will help even out your voice and calm your nerves.

6. Blushing.

There are people who consistently go bright red onstage. If this happens to you - don't worry. Chances are that even if you're glowing, your audience won't notice a thing.  Just take a deep breath and carry on.

Remember, if you don't suffer over your signs of nervousness, your audience won't either.

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Tips for Making Your Message Stick in People's Memory

Did you know that you speak an average of seven-thousand words a day?

It's true.

Now consider how many of those spoken words are remembered by your listeners. The sad fact is that most of what you say is forgotten.

If you're a leader, or someone who is expected to create influence, you have to make your messages stick in people's memory. The term is called stickiness, and it was coined by Chip and Dan Heath in their book on the topic, Made to Stick.

So, what makes a message sticky?

It's three things, really.

What you say should be:

1. Simple.

2. Emotional.

3. Vivid.

To communicate effectively you should avoid cliches and over-used jargon. Use real words that are simple and to-the-point. Listeners will remember the freshness of your ideas by the freshness of your language.

No matter how big and ambitious your vision may be, the language you use to convey your message needs to be specific, not to mention powerful. Use active metaphors to help your listeners visualize what they are hearing. Metaphors create a word picture; it makes people see an idea.

Stories also put a human face on your ideas and information. Your listeners may not remember a string of numbers, but they'll remember a story. People will listen with absorbed attention to almost any story, then they will anticipate what comes next. This is the way our brains are wired. THIS is why story-telling is so powerful.

Mastering the art of stickiness will not happen overnight. But by practicing these techniques, your communication skills will only get sharper over time.

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Courtesy: Smartplanet.com

Tips for Bridging the Communication Gap

Lawyers are always put to the test when they are required to communicate with people who are opposite their personalities.

Extroverts, in particular, face a huge barrier when dealing with introverted people. Instead of understanding their characteristics, extroverted lawyers get frustrated over their introverted clients' and colleagues' shy, quiet tendencies. Sometimes these types of people are accused of not being forthcoming or , worse, difficult to deal with.

In her book,  Self-Promotion for Introverts®: The Quiet Guide to Getting Ahead, Nancy Ancowitz offers several solutions for dealing with this type of communication gap. Here, she provides ten ways extroverts can communicate well with introverts.

1. Welcome introverts to state their opinions, but avoid putting them on the spot. Distribute an agenda and ask for our input privately, by e-mail, prior to a meeting to give them time to compose our thoughts.
2. Avoid asking introverts questions that they may experience as too personal or invasive; be patient with their need to get to know you over time.
3. Limit small talk to the beginning of a conversation, and get to the more substantive parts more quickly.
4. Just as you may have a breadth of knowledge on many topics, appreciate introverts for their depth of knowledge about a few topics.
5. Make appointments with introverts rather than dropping by unannounced.
6. Respect introverts’ need for private space. Do not stand too close during a conversation or reach into our space.
7. Remember that what you ?nd stimulating (e.g., multitasking) may be overwhelming for introverts; sometimes they need to quietly focus on one thing at a time.
8. Consider meeting with your introverted colleagues in a quiet space to help ensure minimal interruptions. Do something more social before and after the meeting if you need more people time.
9. Give introverts time alone to do their best thinking and allow for suf?cient breaks during meetings.
10. Recognize that introverts tend to undersell their accomplishments and potential contributions.

As a professional, how do you communicate with people who are opposite your personality? Share your thoughts.

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5 Ways to Strike Group Harmony

Think about the work groups in your firm or department. How many of them would you characterize as “fierce,” or perhaps “too nice?”

These types of teams - FIERCE and NICE - are two extremes of the team spectrum that often fall short in some areas and excel in others.

The team you want to be a part of is the one that falls right in that sweet spot, the middle of the spectrum: BOLD.

BOLD teams balance out the rest of the pack, offering a mix of compassion and consideration with courage and risk-taking.

What sets BOLD teams up for success?

Here are five ways they strike a balance and find harmony.

1. Balanced feedback.

BOLD teams realize that constructive feedback is critical for their improvement. They also understand they don’t have to be harsh or mean to be helpful.

Feedback is always direct, honest, and straightforward. But, it also comes from a place of caring and sincerity. Teammates accept feedback in the spirit in which it is offered.

2. Attention is paid to how the group works, and the end result.

BOLD teams work hard to hit deadlines and get the job done. They prioritize their times and resources to meet the expectations set for them. However, they are not driven by their goals. They drive them!

BOLD teams manage their time lines and goals by working together. They consider all viewpoints - even the devil’s advocate - before proceeding. This type of team work ultimately helps them avoid future problems and ,more importantly, helps them stave off obstacles along the way.

3. Know when to say “no.”

It feel good to say “yes” and answer the calls for requests all of the time. But the reality is overextending leaves to trouble.
Before BOLD teams take on more responsibility, they assess their ability to deliver. This includes many frank discussions, sharing concerns and reservations as well as hopes and desires. The merits of incoming work are always weighed against what they already committed to doing.

4. Debates are encouraged.

Conflicts are addressed as they come up. They share our honest reactions. They express how they think or feel, as well as what they want or need from each other. Everyone is encouraged to be transparent and genuine. However, they don't lash out at each other when they feel hurt or offended.

5. Stay flexible.

BOLD teams balance their need to plan with their need to be flexible. They draw on their collective experiences and wisdom as they embark on new projects. They don't rely on just a few to decide for them: They put all their cards on the table.

BOLD teams can deal with with almost any obstacle - both internal and external - with vigor, compassion, and efficiency. As you move forward with your group, try fostering a balanced team environment which includes having the courage and risk-taking of a FIERCE team, and consideration and caring of a NICE team.

THINK BOLD!

Adapted from article, The Sweet Spot Between NICE and FIERCE: BOLD, by Brian Cole Miller.

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4 Ways to Avoid Panic When Your Mind Goes BLANK

It has happened to the best of us. You prepare, you're ready, you walk out, and then you FREEZE. You can't remember the first thing you were going to say. Heck, you can't even remember your middle name.

It's hard not to panic in that situation. A little voice inside our head wants to answer that "red alert" signal by running and hiding. But before you sink like quicksand, here are a few tips to help keep you calm, cool, and collected the next time you blank.

1. Power back up.

Much like a computer's hard drive that is stuck, your brain needs a reboot. The information you were about to deliver is still there - it's just frozen.

Power your brain back up by sending a signal from your body. Change your physical pattern. Do something different - like take a sip of water. Adjust the microphone, or take a step back and then step toward the mic. You can even make small talk. Say, "Hi... it's good to see all of you here." Doing this is better than standing there like a statue.

2. Don't forget to breathe.

You may have blanked because your breathing pattern was interrupted, or you may have unconsciously been holding your breath. When you blank, stop your panic. Take a slow, deep breath. Look up and try again.

3. Have your notes handy.

Your notes will get you back on track - so use them. In fact, you can give yourself added insurance against blanking by writing your opening on an index card and stashing it in your coat pocket.

4. Don't let them see you sweat.

If you blank during your talk, don't suffer over it.  That audience will stay with you as long as you don't make it obvious that you're agonizing over it. Look up, take a moment, take a deep breath, let the idea come back, and carry on.

The next time you're afraid of freezing up at your next talk, consider this: Practiced speaker sometimes actually pretend that they've forgotten their next line, just to keep it feeling fresh - and the audience engaged.

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