Don't Seek out Confrontation, but Don't Avoid it Either

There are a handful of people who thrive in adverse situations, and then there are those who want to run and hide when confrontation rears its ugly head.

But is avoiding confrontation all of the time a good thing?

Not really.

Sure, I understand that people are concerned about how others perceive them. But sometimes the need for approval and for avoiding confrontation can bring negative consequences. You may appear weak, to be a push-over, or worse - a bad lawyer!

Also read: Body Language that Sends the Wrong Message

The good news is you can change your behaviors to face confrontation with confidence.

You can learn how to handle any situation where, instead of giving in or compromising, you are firm, professional, AND nice.

For instance:

In dealing with client complaints, first take a step back. Analyze all of the things that could have gone wrong in delivering your service to that client. Then, decide what to do to remedy the situation: Rework, refund, discount, discount on future services, etc.

If the client resists a resolution and keeps asking for more, at some point you may have to say, “I'm sorry, but our policy is to... we simply cannot do any more than that.”

Be firm. Stand your ground - politely!

Also read: Think before You Speak

In handling fee negotiations, try creating a detailed price list and then think about potential negotiation strategies. Don't be willing to give into a steep price cut to save a potential new contract. Instead, determine ways to reduce service levels to meet a lower price.

Think about situations you struggle with. Which types of encounters send you running for the door? Which make you feel confident?

As a legal professional, you always want to stay objective, be fair, and make the best decisions possible. Kindly and discreetly, of course.

Do You Appear to Be Lying - Even When You're Telling the Truth?

Making small talk or speaking in front of a large crowd can be rather tricky. Every move you make - intentional or not - is SCRUTINIZED!

And, that means your listeners may mistake you for a liar - even when you're not!

Leil Lowdes, author of How to Talk to Anyone, suggests that this type of problem arises when we're feeling insecure or intimidated. Or, the problem may stem from the environment.

Here's how Lowdes explains it.

"A woman talking about her company's track record to an important client could rub her neck. A businessman who doesn't feel nervous at all could loosen his collar because the  room is hot.

...these fidgety movements give the listeners the sense that something just isn't right or a gut feeling that the speaker is lying."

These are NOT scenarios you want to find yourself in. Alert yourself to this hazard by recognizing signs that send the wrong message.

For instance.

• Don't blink repeatedly or shift your eyes. Fix your gaze on the listener(s).
• Don't put your hand on your face or rub your nose - even if you have an itch.
• Don't let them see you sweat by mopping your brow or forehead.
• Don't loosen your collar - even if it's hot.
• Don't shield your eyes from the sun.

FIDGETING UNDERMINES CREDIBILITY!

The next time you're speaking, try to limit extraneous movement.

Ignore that itch, tickle, or tinge - and make your communication count!

Helpful Tips for an Effective PowerPoint Show

You have a big presentation coming up, or you want to win a prospect over with a killer proposal, and you're afraid your PowerPoint show is going to tank.

What to do?

Sharpen your PowerPoint skills by learning how to perfect your presentations - start to finish.

Stick to a Story

First, think of your presentation as a story. The beginning of your show should always present a problem, so ask yourself, "what are we going to solve today?" The middle of the presentation should present your key findings, always tying back to the central issue you want to solve. At the end, of course, your audience should feel like they have learned something.

Keep it Simple

Sometimes we get so caught up in putting our ideas on the screen that we tend to over-complicate the presentation. Flashy images, quick transitions, too much text all lead to confusion and audience tune-out. Instead, try to keep each slide free of clutter. If you're using bullet points, never exceed one line of text per bullet.

Keep it Short

Meeting in Person is Always Better than Skype, Email, or Text

Let's face it. It's extremely easy to open your inbox and send an email rather than to pick up the phone and make a call. Our computers are the easy way out.

But given the industry we are in, does this really make sense?

We'll only be successful if we really get to know our clients. And, to do this, you'll have to set aside Skype, text messages, and emails and engage in real personal, face-to-face connections.

In-person meetings, rather than virtual ones, are powerful in that you can learn so much more about a person. For instance:

1. Small-talk.

As painful as you may consider small talk to be, it can build a valuable connection between two people. Instead of quickly solving a business problem over the phone, face time almost always includes a little small talk at the beginning which, in turn, helps cement a bond. Small talk can be about favorite sports teams, hobbies, parenting, and other bits and pieces that make us interesting.

2. Impressions.

A confident smile. A firm handshake. Solid eye contact. These are all factors that go into making a good first impression - and you have only seconds to do it. These impression factors simply can not be replicated through technology.

3. Body language.

Facial expressions often communicate so much more than words. In a person's eyes and in their body language, you can see confidence, empathy, fear, friendliness or sincerity. The ability to “read” a person beyond their keywords can be a big advantage - both personally and professionally.

There's no doubt about it. Technology can be a communication lifesaver at times. But as a lawyer, remember that your clients want to work with someone they can relate to - and relationships are built through face time.

7 Things Your Boss Doesn't Want to Hear

Do you want to get in good with your boss and clients?

Think before you speak!

A huge part of maintaining a HEALTHY WORKING RELATIONSHIP is to never allow a boss or client think you are incapable of doing your work, or - worse  - consider it beneath you.

What you say around the office can damage your image and ruin relationships.

Before you speak up, reflect on these seven statements that are anything but harmless.

1. That's not my job.

Bosses and clients don't want to hear this  - ever.

Even if you're assigned a task that is, indeed, not your job, refrain from saying so. If you believe the task is a bad idea, you can try explaining why and suggesting how it could be better done by someone else.

2. It's not my problem.

This statement often makes people look like they don't care.

If a problem is brewing and you have nothing constructive to say - keep quiet! It's better to say nothing at all.

Keep in mind that a problem in the workplace is everyone's dilemma to solve. You are in it together.

3. It's not my fault.

Claiming that something is not your fault often has the result of making people suspect it is.

Don't think about who is to blame when something goes wrong. Think about how to fix it.

4. I can only do one thing at a time.

Complaints about being overworked will never make people feel sorry for you. Instead, your boss will think that either you resent your job, or you aren't up for it.

Keep your thoughts about being overworked to yourself -  because no one wants to listen!

5.  I am overqualified for this job.

Complaining that your job is beneath you will only make coworkers resent and dislike you.

Come to terms with the fact that this is the job you have and you agreed to take it on.

6. This job is easy! Anyone could do it.

Bosses don't like hearing that any work is stupid. Nor do they really like hearing that a job is too easy. It belittles the whole company.

If a task is simple, be glad and do it as quickly as you can.

7. It can't be done.

This statement is often a red flag in a boss's eyes. Saying it can make you look incapable.

If you truly feel that you're in over your head, search for doable ways of solving the problem or reaching the  goal. Put on your thinking cap and make yourself a problem solver!

Many of us have probably mentioned these statements once or twice around the office. Slip-ups will happen. So let this information be your official kick in the rear!

Be thankful for the work that you have - and keep your thoughts to yourself!

Adapted from article 7 Things Never to Say to Your Boss by Karen Burns.

Become More Resilient by Learning How to Handle Life's Demands

No one is immune to adversity. We've all been through it. And, while it's not fun, stressful situations can be manageable. In fact, you can even thrive on them.

This is called RESILIENCY -  the ability to adapt well in the face of trauma or stress and - bounce back!

Research shows that resilient people are more positive, healthier, and they tend to do the following:

• Take a break when stress sets in.
• Accept others and themselves - flaws and all.
• Avoid reacting to situations impulsively or with anger.
• Set personal goals and plan time and effort to achieve them.

Of course, knowing what resiliency means is one thing. Being a resilient person is a whole different ball game. Negative experiences and poor communication often cloud our judgement when it comes to coping with life's demands.

But there is good news!

Resiliency can be learned!

Here are some tips to help you ignite your inner-resiliency.

1. Maintain good relationships.

Your friends and family should serve as a foundation when life throws you a curve.

Seek out people who are supportive and respectful and take care to avoid those who are critical and controlling. Join a faith group for spiritual grounding and growth, or a self-help group for emotional support when times are tough.

2. See crises as solvable problems.

You cannot change that fact that negative events happen but you can change how you respond to them. Put structure and control into your life by having short-term and long-term goals. Those goals will help you learn how to deal with negative feelings and avoid lapses of judgement when the going gets tough.

3. Communicate!

Communicate effectively by understanding both verbal and non-verbal cues. Also, be an active listener by conveying that you understand and validate the other person - even if you don't necessarily agree with what he or she is saying.

Not being able to communicate with others leads to anger, conflict and increased stress.

4. Nurture a positive view of yourself.

Take care of yourself. Get plenty of sleep a night. Eat three meals a day. Exercise. Cut out smoking. Have a close friend to share your ideas, hopes and dreams with. Laugh a lot. Feed your soul with activities that make your spirits soar whether it be painting, theatre, golf or reading.

5. Learn from mistakes.

Mistakes are not failures!

Resilient people look at mistakes as experiences and opportunities for learning and growth. Even though they do not enjoy mistakes, they are not easily discouraged by them.

When things go wrong, don't fall to pieces. Learn how to roll with the punches by getting in touch with your inner-resiliency. All of us have it. Bring yours out and make it work for you!

Article adapted from Resilience by John Starzynski.

Related articles:

5 Ways to Deal with Difficult Coworkers

Think Before You SPEAK!

How to Stave Off Stress

Harnessing Empathy for Effective Communication

Humility is Your Best Asset in Business

You are good at what you do. Your clients know it. Your colleagues know it. And, you know it.

Unfortunately, though, confidence can sometimes turn into arrogance.

"The difference between arrogance and confidence is self-awareness," says Jason Mendelson, founder and managing director of the Foundry Group. "The confident leader is self-aware of their client's needs, their firm's culture and the rapid changes that occur in their industry."

So, how do you stay humble while, at the same time, reaping the rewards of success?

Here are three tips to help you avoid self-sabotage.

1. Leave your swagger at home.

People want to communicate with people who are respectful and humble. Swagger is none of those things - and is a turn off for most.

2. Listen.

You may communicate openly and often, but are you really listening? The best leaders are the best listeners and know when to turn down the noise and make a move.

3. Expect the unexpected.

Arrogance and having a "king of the world" mentality will set you up for failure. Humility is knowing that you're going to get kicked when you least expect it. Humble people know that people will aim at them. In fact, they even welcome it.

Sure, it's okay to celebrate your success and bask in the limelight a bit. But, always mind the line between confidence and arrogance.

Adapted from article Humility: The Undervalued But Crucial Business Asset by Erica Napoletano at Entrepreneur.com.

Recent articles:

Body Language that Sends the Wrong Message

A Checklist to Help You Listen like a Pro

Lawyer Marketing Tips: How to Flatter Effectively... and Not Brown-Nose

Do You Shoot Down Compliments?

5 Ways to Keep Yours Listeners Engaged

Conversations - real, meaningful conversations - are perhaps the best ways to build valuable connections with people. Of course, holding a conversation with someone whom you've just met isn't always easy.

But, it can be.

Anyone can be a great conversationalist. Anyone!

The key is to keep the spotlight on the person you are speaking with - and off yourself. Simply listen to what the person has to say, ask him or her questions, and be interested in their responses.

Sounds easy enough, right?

Here are some more great tricks for becoming a brilliant conversationalist.

• Take a greater interest in what the person you are speaking to has to say than what you have to say. In other words, don't eagerly anticipate telling someone about your legal services. Instead, eagerly anticipate what he or she will tell you about their own services.
• Keep an open mind. Enter into a conversation knowing what you would like to say and learn, but do not have any preconceived ideas or judgments about the other person.
• Don't interrupt. Keep quiet when the other person is talking.
• Never argue. Even if you disagree with what someone is saying, keep your cool and diplomatically state your opinion. 
• Don't offer an opinion unless you are asked to do so. 

Finally, try to address the other person by their first name throughout the conversation. There's no sweeter sound to a person's ears than the sound of their own name being spoken.

Related articles:

Tips to Help You Shake Your Nerves

Make What You Say Stick 

How Extroverts Can Communicate Well with Introverts 

Some Reasons Why You Can't Accept Praise

Women lawyers listen up!

Are you quick to fend off flattery no matter who it comes from?

You may be what experts call a "compliment-carper;" you simply can not accept kind words.

There are number of reasons why. According to body image expert Leslie Goldman, MPH, many women are taught that they should be modest and humble. They are worried that accepting praised could make them appear arrogant. "So, we downplay out strengths and accentuate our weaknesses," says Goldman.

Does this sound like something you do often?

You are definitely not alone. Many women simply believe kudos is undeserved.

But wait. Before you continue living this way, consider this.

Research shows that being able to recognize your positive qualities and ACCEPT compliments can boost self-esteem. That means you should simply say "thank you" the next time a colleague admires your work!

So, stop beating yourself up and shooting down compliments. Receiving and ACCEPTING praise will do you a world of good.

Related articles:

Are You Difficult to Deal With?

Can You Be Trusted?

5 Ways to Build Business Rapport with People 

Don't Let Email Responses Drain Your Time!

Want to know what one of the biggest time wasters is?

Email.

What was once accomplished in a simple quick meeting often takes days of email exchanges to resolve. I know a lawyer who once had a two-day email exchange about which Fridays the staff could take off in the summer. The time they spent haggling and emailing back and forth probably equaled to one of those days off!

Email is of course fine and effective on most occasions. However, it's not in your best interest to copy half the company contact list with your message. Send your email to only the people for whom it is intended.

Emily Post replies - "Thanks!" or "Good job!" or "Good idea!" -  should be kept to a minimum as well. Limit yourself to emails that move things forward.

Sourced from Bang! Getting Your Message Heard in a Noisy World by Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval.

Related articles:

Email Faux Pas: Embarrassment to Avoid

4 Ways to Drive Distractions Away!

Poll Results Re: Email Mistakes

Emailing: Strike the Right Tone Every Time