Learn How to Connect with People and Make them Feel INVOLVED!
When was the last time you deeply connected with someone?
It's not easy for many professionals to open up and let people into their lives, but building rapport can be extremely uplifting.
Connecting with people - really getting them to THINK, FEEL, and BE INVOLVED - is a communication skill that takes practice, even for seasoned attorneys.
Here are the top 5 ways to help you get in sync and start building relationships.
1. Ask good questions.
Whether you're trying to connect with someone in-person or online, people love to talk about themselves. Asking questions, and paying attention to the answers, will help you learn more about the other person, and it will show that you have a genuine interest in them. The key, though, is in your follow-up. This is how they’ll know you are truly catching their details.
2. Use their names.
Add a personal touch to a conversation by sprinkling your listener's name into the conversation. If you're online on Twitter, for example, if the person’s name is not part of his/her screen name, click on the person's profile and get his real name. This will send a powerful message that you CARE.
3. Stay positive.
Don't be a constant complainer or a "negative Nelly." People genuinely don't want to connect and engage people who whine. Be known for a positive attitude and willingness to help others, strangers included.
4. Learn the art of small talk.
Have a few conversation starters up your sleeve in case the conversation hits a lull. Always be looking for opportunities that connect you with others. Focus on similarities, not differences.
5. Learn from others.
Pay attention to those you admire who seem to easily connect and engage with others, particularly strangers. Whether it’s in person or online, observe the conversations, posts,and Tweets. How do they break the ice? How do people respond to them? Try to replicate their style of building rapport and see if it works for you too!
When the magic of building rapport happens - it will happen fast.You'll will feel at ease and have a genuine sense of trust and respect. More importantly, you will FEEL like listening and being listened to.
That's rapport.
Adapted from article 10 Ways to Build Rapport with People by Susan Young.
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What Kind of Email Mistakes Have You Made that You Regret?
We're all guilty of making an email mistake at one point or another. But, instead of hiding under a blanket of embarrassment, readers of Top Lawyer Coach have candidly shared their own experiences - no holds barred!
From B. Banowsky:
"I was handling a FCPA investigation for an audit committee of an international construction company regarding allegations of bribery in Nigeria, Bolivia and Equador. DOJ lawyers in Washington,. DC were handling the investigation. One Friday afternoon, I was driving home from work when my son called me and said that someone from the Justice Department had just called the house looking for me. (never a good call). I then remembered that I included my home phone number on my business card-the only one on our team who did."
"When I got home, I called the two lawyers in DC. They proceeded to dress me down because one of the company's employees had paid a $1 million cash bribe the during the pendency of the investigation. (Of course, we had discovered the bribe in interviews that week and had prompty reported it to the DOJ. The employee has since pleaded guilty and was sentenced to prison). For some reason, these two guys were really unhappy with audit committee's counsel and 'ordered' our team to come DC from Dallas for a meeting the following Monday morning."
"After I got off the phone, I emailed my partner (I thought I emailed him) who was working with me on the investigation. Here is what I said: 'Call me. I just spent an hour on the phone getting my a** chewed by ____________ and ____________.'
"A few seconds later I recieved an email from the junior DOJ lawyer stating: "I assume you did not mean to send this to us." I had sent them the email meant for my partner. To this day, I still don't know how I did it. I was fortunate that my email was as short and succint as it was--I could have said a lot more that would have been more ticklish if I had said what was really on my mind. And the email was factually correct--I had just been chewed out for an hour."
"As a post-script, when we arrived in DC for the meeting, the two DOJ lawyers were very professional. Over the weekend, I think they had decided that audit committee's counsel did nothing wrong and were in fact advancing the investigation, but I was the only one they could reach on a Friday evening."
From G. Lowrey:
"If you are at your desk print the email and proof it very carefully before sending. The reduction of embarrassing mistakes is worth a little time and cheap paper."
From G. Killian:
"Copying opposing counsel on confidential communcations by mistake because I didn't carefully review the "cc" list on a particular case. Fortunately I didn't transmit anything too valuable - just embarrassing! I've been on the receiving end of that gaffe, too."
From O. Meehan:
"Well, I guess we've all been guilty of the wrong/missing attachment mistake at some point or another."
"The issue with email seems to be that because it can be dealt with so quickly (as opposed to traditional correspondence) is that sometimes an email is sent without a proper check-read before sending, a review of who the email is supposed to go to, or even if it is appropriate to be simply replying to a chain of emails or sending a fresh email without a long trail of replies sitting at the foot, possibly containing something that you didn't want a later recipient to see."
"As more and more people use mobile email devices (eg iphone/blackberry/etc) these days, what I find is that my inbox will get clogged up with, instead of one email that confirms all relevant issues have been considered, several short emails, each seemingly fired off as an idea occurs to the sender. Trying to piece together where a matter is at from this type of correspondence can be time-consuming."
From R. Leonard:
"I have begun to print out and proof read before emails are sent. I also send attached correspondence by email to opposing attorneys, rather than writing directly within the body of the email. My mistakes with emails have been typos, rather than sending them to the wrong parties. But, typos are still embarrassing, Everyone wants their attorney to pay attention to details. It really only takes a minute to spell check, so now typos are few and far between."
From K. Chern:
"I think one big email mistake occurs when people check emails on their phones and forget to check the "mark as unread" box or cc responses to their inbox. It can be really easy to forget about a message that you read if you don't ensure that you will see it when you are able to focus on the email at your desk or on a full-size screen."
From K. Watkins:
"After attending my seminar on email, a participant sent me a follow-up message to say how much she’d learned in my session. She mentioned an attachment, BUT FORGOT TO ATTACH IT. A few minutes later, she sent another email (with the attachment). She expressed her embarrassment. Then she assured me she hadn’t slept through my tips on 'how to remember the attachments.' We both laughed."
From B. Ndedde, Esq:
It is hurting to miscalculate a billing in an email and re-send another to correct it. It makes one seem clumsy!
From S. Savchuk
"One day I sent an e-mail to my supervisor with a draft reply to our client.
After I got the confirmation I pushed the button "Reply", inserted the text of response confirmed by my supervisor and sent it to the client. A couple of seconds later I realized that I sent e-mail with confirmation of my supervisor to send that and even with my earlier request to confirm draft reply ;)
At the time I sent that blunder, I was already a mid-level associate.
What I want to say is don't let the work overwhelm you: even if you are entirely wrapped up in work, be sure to double-check every e-mail, every piece of communication you make on behalf of your company.
Although this "accident" happened about 2 years ago, I still remember it - it helps me to stay tuned, particularly, when I am involved in big projects with large volumes of correspondence."
Thank you for sharing your experiences!
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There is no way around it - small talk is not easy.
It can be insincere and affirmatively uncomfortable.
Not everyone is born with the gift of gabbing to strangers, but you can acquire the art of small talk.
It's simple, really. Just be yourself!
When it comes to making an impression during small talk, DIFFERENTIATION is key. Stand out by being you! In fact according to Keith Ferrazzi, author of Never Eat Alone
,"...vulnerability is one of the most under-appreciated assets in business today."
Candor creates the opportunity for a deeper connection, genuinely allowing other people into your life - even during a first encounter. Uncomfortable and shallow conversations, on the other hand, will ensure that strangers remain strangers.
Think about some successful professionals in your life. Chances are those people are surrounded by warm relationships. Their charm, perhaps, comes from simply being themselves.
Small talk is not about talking small. It's about talking OPENLY - putting ourselves out there on the line.
Give people a glimpse of your humanity and they'll give you something in return - a connection and, if you're lucky, new business!
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The Easy Way to Steer Clear of Problem People
Conflict in the workplace is nothing new. We've all dealt with it at one point or another.
Some instances, though, are easier than others.
Personal attacks can undermine your professional standing - not to mention your self esteem.
While you can't prevent people from being downright difficult, you can LEARN HOW TO AVOID THEM.
Here are five tips for dealing with problem people at the office.
1. Identify problem people.
Learn to recognize when a coworker is "toxic." A toxic coworker can take the form of a cut-you-downer, a two-faced backstabber, a gossip, a meddler, an instigator, or a nasty competitor.
2. Assess the situation.
When the shock of the situation subsides, relax and take a deep breath. Take a moment to understand what is happening to you and realize that you're not alone.
3. Take action.
Your situation won't improve unless you do something about it. In fact, left unaddressed, conflicts usually get worse.
Let the coworker in question know that you will notify a higher authority if necessary.
4. Don't let the problem grow.
Once you are under emotional control, take swift action. If you don't, you may become so angry internally that your efforts to address the situation could become irrational.
Tackle the problem while you can maintain some objectivity and emotional control.
5. Don't sink to their level!
Again, don't behave irrationally in order to "get back" at a coworker. As problematic as the person may be, there are many dysfunctional approaches to dealing with them.
Some common no-no's include:
- anonymous notes
- gossiping
- bad-mouthing him or her to the boss.
No one is perfect, but unruly, nasty behavior should not be tolerated - ever!
Don't be a victim of sharp-tongued coworkers.
TAKE ACTION and SAVE YOUR SANITY!
Adapted from article 10 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Coworkers by AllBusiness.com.
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Do You Appear to Be Lying - Even When You're Telling the Truth?
Making small talk or speaking in front of a large crowd can be rather tricky. Every move you make - intentional or not - is SCRUTINIZED!
And, that means your listeners may mistake you for a liar - even when you're not!
Leil Lowdes, author of How to Talk to Anyone
Here's how Lowdes explains it.
"A woman talking about her company's track record to an important client could rub her neck. A businessman who doesn't feel nervous at all could loosen his collar because the room is hot.
...these fidgety movements give the listeners the sense that something just isn't right or a gut feeling that the speaker is lying."
These are NOT scenarios you want to find yourself in. Alert yourself to this hazard by recognizing signs that send the wrong message.
For instance.
- Don't blink repeatedly or shift your eyes. Fix your gaze on the listener(s).
- Don't put your hand on your face or rub your nose - even if you have an itch.
- Don't let them see you sweat by mopping your brow or forehead.
- Don't loosen your collar - even if it's hot.
- Don't shield your eyes from the sun.
FIDGETING UNDERMINES CREDIBILITY!
The next time you're speaking, try to limit extraneous movement.
Ignore that itch, tickle, or tinge - and make your communication count!
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Silence Your Inner-Wallflower and PLUNGE Right In
Cold calling is a lot like networking. Just thinking about it can turn the most seasoned lawyer into a neurotic mess.
Managing cold calls, though, doesn't have to be scary.
It's all about ATTITUDE!
The trick is to just plunge right in and view cold calling as a competitive opportunity. The challenge is to get to know new people by making them warm up to you.
Here are four ways you can quiet your fears of rejection and COLD CALL EFFECTIVELY.
1. Establish credibility by mentioning a familiar person or organization.
You never want to hear "I don't know who you are" or "I don't know your firm."
Credibility is the first thing you want to establish in any interaction. Having a mutual friend or acquaintance will immediately make you stand out. One tactic is to draft off brands of others, whether personal references or organizations, as a way to get past someone's initial reluctance. Or, you can tap into your network of contacts to find a path back to the person whom you're trying to reach.
2. State your value.
Once you have someone's commitment to listen to you, you'll need to be prepared to deliver a high-value proposition. You'll have less than a minute to articulate why that person should not try to get off the phone.
Remember, it's all about the person whom you're talking to. What can you do for them?
3. Make your pitch quick and convenient.
Don't talk too much. Pause throughout the conversation to get the other person's thoughts.
Also, remember the goal is to get an appointment where you can discuss the proposition in more detail. At the end of the conversation, suggest a lunch meeting and be sure to let the person know how important that meeting would be to you.
4. Be prepared to offer a compromise.
Even if the person isn't interested in your services, you could suggest getting together anyway just to meet. Always leave room for compromise.
Making cold calls takes PATIENCE and DILIGENCE.
Push procrastination away!
It's up to you to take the initiative!
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NOW is the Time to Reach Out!
When was the last time you picked up the phone and called someone with whom you've lost touch?
Chances are it's been months, even years, since you've reconnected with a long lost client or colleague.
Making that first call after a long hiatus isn't easy. The key is to really think about how to start the conversation.
Here are five TIME-TESTED and EFFECTIVE ways to make reaching out a lot more comfortable.
1. Make the call.
Simply pick up the phone and call the client you've been thinking about.
Say, "I was thinking about you and wondered how you're doing."
It's that easy!
Then, let your client answer. Don't fill the silence!
Nearly everyone who receives this kind of call will be flattered.
Your goal should be to make three calls like this each week. Imagine the networker you'll be!
2. Pass along information.
Look for articles about the company your client works for and pass them along.
You could say, "I saw this article in the newspaper and wondered how you're doing."
You could even search the Internet for information on your client or their company, then pick up the phone after finding something interesting.
3. Make a point to add value.
Think about making an introduction or, perhaps, even a referral.
Ask yourself... "Whom can I introduce my clients to who might be able to help them?" Once you've thought of someone, pick up the phone with the purpose of gauging your client's interest in meeting the person you have in mind.
4. Call before an upcoming talk or industry event.
If you're giving an upcoming talk, make that the pretext for calling dormant clients. Not only can you invite them to your talk, but you can also ask for their ideas on what they'd most like to hear on the topic. You may also suggest to meet for breakfast or lunch on the day of the event.
Even if clients tell you they can not attend, you still have the perfect excuse to reconnect by telephone.
5. Visit clients at work.
In lieu of a phone call, pop in for a visit! Request a tour of your client's operation; really get the lay of the land.
Clients will be flattered that you have taken an interest in their work.
Some rainmakers swear that in-person visits are their best marketing tool.
Take the time to review these points the next time you're uncomfortable about reconnecting with a long lost client.
But always MAKE THE CALL!
You'll likely make their day.
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7 Things Your Boss Doesn't Want to Hear
Do you want to get in good with your boss and clients?
Think before you speak!
A huge part of maintaining a HEALTHY WORKING RELATIONSHIP is to never allow a boss or client think you are incapable of doing your work, or - worse - consider it beneath you.
What you say around the office can damage your image and ruin relationships.
Before you speak up, reflect on these seven statements that are anything but harmless.
1. That's not my job.
Bosses and clients don't want to hear this - ever.
Even if you're assigned a task that is, indeed, not your job, refrain from saying so. If you believe the task is a bad idea, you can try explaining why and suggesting how it could be better done by someone else.
2. It's not my problem.
This statement often makes people look like they don't care.
If a problem is brewing and you have nothing constructive to say - keep quiet! It's better to say nothing at all.
Keep in mind that a problem in the workplace is everyone's dilemma to solve. You are in it together.
3. It's not my fault.
Claiming that something is not your fault often has the result of making people suspect it is.
Don't think about who is to blame when something goes wrong. Think about how to fix it.
4. I can only do one thing at a time.
Complaints about being overworked will never make people feel sorry for you. Instead, your boss will think that either you resent your job, or you aren't up for it.
Keep your thoughts about being overworked to yourself - because no one wants to listen!
5. I am overqualified for this job.
Complaining that your job is beneath you will only make coworkers resent and dislike you.
Come to terms with the fact that this is the job you have and you agreed to take it on.
6. This job is easy! Anyone could do it.
Bosses don't like hearing that any work is stupid. Nor do they really like hearing that a job is too easy. It belittles the whole company.
If a task is simple, be glad and do it as quickly as you can.
7. It can't be done.
This statement is often a red flag in a boss's eyes. Saying it can make you look incapable.
If you truly feel that you're in over your head, search for doable ways of solving the problem or reaching the goal. Put on your thinking cap and make yourself a problem solver!
Many of us have probably mentioned these statements once or twice around the office. Slip-ups will happen. So let this information be your official kick in the rear!
Be thankful for the work that you have - and keep your thoughts to yourself!
Adapted from article 7 Things Never to Say to Your Boss by Karen Burns.
Ask marketing experts and they'll tell you that the key to staying ahead of the game in the legal industry is to LISTEN.
Open your ears to find out what is happening outside the firm.
Gathering good old-fashion external intelligence can help law firms grow business.
How?
By listening to trends that affect clients and prospects and the legal world in general, firms can tailor their marketing campaigns to yield big results: MORE BUSINESS!
While large firms can generally rely on their competitive intelligence staff to do this investigative work, small firms can become sleuths themselves.
Here are five steps small firms can take to LISTEN MORE and BUILD BUSINESS:
1. On-site visits.
Take the time to visit with clients in-person at their places of business. These meetings will help you better understand the issues and trends that affect them.
2. Survey clients.
Clients can be excellent sources of information on opportunities, concerns, and trends.
3. Be proactive with referrals.
Once you have identified your referral sources, set up meetings with them - often. By doing this, you will learn what issues are affecting them, their businesses, and their clientele.
4. Be social.
Get out and join trade groups and associations. Attend meetings and conventions to stay abreast of developments happening in the legal field.
5. Monitor the Web.
Don't just stick to your own blog and social networking sites, branch out! It's important to keep tabs on what your competitors are doing on the Internet. Tracking websites will also help you collect information on industry and market trends.
Don't get stuck in the dark ages!
21st-century firms need to be "in the know" about what is happening around them.
Take these steps to learn more about the world outside your firm, then use that knowledge to your advantage.
Use your ears to get in the game - and stay there.
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Boredom.
It's not an easy thing to hide. Our eyes glaze over. Our ears tune out conversations. We tend to get restless.
It's ok to be bored.
It's not ok to be boring! Especially if networking is one of your marketing tools.
A recent Psychology Today article presented these 8 ways to tell if you're really boring someone to tears.
1. Non-engaging responses.
You know a person is not being a good listener when he or she repeats, “Oh really? Wow. Oh really? Interesting.”
2. Short, simple questions.
People who are bored steer away from complicated questions that show curiosity and instead ask questions that require one-word answers like, "Where do you practice?"
3. Rarely interrupts.
Contrary to popular opinion, interruption is actually a good sign. It means the person is eager to say something, and that shows interest.
4. No elaboration.
A person who is interested in what you’re saying will ask you to explain.
“When exactly did that happen?” “Then what did he say?” are the kinds of questions that show that someone is trying to follow the conversation closely.
5. Conversation imbalance.
In general, people who are interested in a subject have things to say themselves; they want to add their own opinions, information, and experiences. If they aren’t doing that, they're probably keeping quiet in the hopes that the conversation will end faster.
6. Abrupt change of subject.
An abrupt change in the topic of conversation is a sure sign that the initial subject was not engaging.
7. Body language.
People with a good connection generally turn to face each other and have solid eye contact. A person who is partially turned away isn’t engaged in the conversation.
8. Posture.
People tend to fidget, slouch, and lean when they are bored, while attentive people tend to sit up straight and fidget less.
At your next networking event, try to be mindful of these cues. When you detect that you are boring someone, make a note of what you were saying when the other person tuned you out.
We can't be ENGAGING AND FASCINATING all the time, but we can train ourselves to keep our antennae out and be sensitive to the signals others are sending us. If networking is an important component of your marketing strategy, practice AWARENESS so you can either stop talking or change the subject when your listener acts bored.